today was a sad day, but not quite as sad as yesterday. yesterday was absolutely the WORST day i have had in years. bad days, they usually don't get to me too much, i just keep pushing through but i cold not keep up any momentum. maru is lost, run away, missing. she has been for 3 days, i am very sad. i don't know what to do. my poor baby girl, she's lost out somewhere, i know she could probably take care of herself.....i hope. my motives are more selfish, she is my friend, my baby kitty, we've been together since she was tiny and,....i love her and i'll probably never see her again. so i've been really upset all day, and i put up signs and posters all over the neighborhood and posted lost stuff at the animal shelter and went down there to the one near enloe AND the one in garner--there were so many lost animals. it was such a sad place, and as i stood in line i clutched the pictures of her i brought and they got all sweaty, etc. i couldn't take it, on the way home right as i walked out the door my eyes just welled up and i started crying and i bawled all the way home and almost got in 5 accidents like a nerd. it was good to cry though, i haven't been able to for about....a long time, really since last july with the exception of one time when i got really mad at brian cause i was trying to tell him that he was my best friend and then he got scared and ran away and wouldn't listen to me because i touched him. why does this happen as a theme with men in my life? FUCK that.
i'll bet she's probably fine, some old lady picked her up or something....but i miss her. i have a problem with attachment, i think, well not a problem but a STRONG attachment. i get upset about balloons and animal crackers. but really.......and i feel like i get this from my mom, the strong bond/clingy/mothering nuturer thing. so i don't know what else to do besides put up more posters and look around more and keep going to the shelters. so that's what i'm going to do. phew.
