i think maybe when this happens it means that it wasn't meant to be read by anyone but i still needed to go to the fuckin trouble or writing it, phew. though, if i kept lil notebook then i wouldn't have to worry about this.

really, i don't know about this whole journal thing. i like the online part, for some reason because it's on a screen i'll be more into keeping up with it. i worry about a lot of things, which i mentioned in that accidentally deleted entry. maybe i should lock it? to me, the purpose of my personal journal is to express my obsessions literally, describe them, or i guess type them out is more accurate, describe the present, however superficial it may be, it's like maintenance work in my brain i think, even if i never go back and read the old entries which will no doubt be embarrassing. so to me it's very intimate, really personal, almost like the part of me i want to let out in a little horsepen so that it doesn't stay locked up, but doesn't get out and go on a rampage. so the question is, do journals help us hide from other people, i.e. should they not be taken so seriously for althoguh many people write thoughtfully i just slap whatever goes down there that i've been pondering....OR does my journal reveal my true often superficial character. yikes. very possibly both, hmmm. so i like it private, but then again i'm such a sucker for performance and i always get off on writing for other people. lately though i feel a definite shirt towards more candid (less afraid?) writing, which is also incidentally mroe boring writing i feel. maybe that's the kind of mood i'm moving through right now.

well, there are many many beautiful thigns in the world regardless, and one of them is crickets, and one of them is swimming, and one of them is hearing Pink Lemonade after not hearing it for like a year. oh hell yeah, slim pickens.