i was traveling, i was being scared of new landscapes and experiences and people and holding my best friend's hand while hearing music that made my heart swell, busting down some rural highway on the Navajo reservation. Getting my first speeding ticket and giving up the fantasy that i am immune to traffic violations. the cool part is i think i was pulled over BECAUSE i am a white woman, and isn't THAT an interesting conflict/reversal of a shitty social paradigm? shit that reminds me, i have to pay that ticket by september 3rd. Yes, Navajo nation, take my 85 dollars for your shittily posted speed limit signs. i was too distracted by the martian-type landscapes, harsh poetic desert climate and everyone else whizzing past me as i went 75MPH that i did not see the sign tucked away on teh side of that mountain as i tried desperately to navigate Ponderosa down it safely.

so what does this all mean? where deos it come from? i took a trip out west with summer for 10 days only and it felt like months and months. getting up at 6 AM after passing out at 4AM, seeing the sun rise over red rocks. i tried to keep a written journal, i was too lazy or overwhelmed or busy driving or debating with summer. And THAT is what i saved up al those scraping by shitty pizza delivery tips and paychecks for. NEVER AGAIN. i will never DRIVE meat-laden unrecyclable lipid-soaked cardboard boxes of cholesterol-increasing products of conspicuous consumption (mine included of course) to shitty mass-produced unsustainable departments in my gas-slurping truck while staving off sexist remarks and piggish winks from high-income suit corpses and geeeetto-ass drug dealers alike. NO MORE!!!

and now i'm in asheville, living with lovely gaby meter maid, the Dr. Mario champeen and James the charmingly depressed couch slug, who plays video games for 8 hours a day (we only have 2, Dr. Mario and James Bond), has watched the Fellowship of the Ring 11 times in one and a half weeks and can't wait to nor gives a fuck about dying.

i like them. i got a new, interesting job. it's not what i expected it to be. Maru is adjusting and picking fights with all the other wyeld enimuls. Simon lives with us too, a fat black cat with orange eyes and a red tongue that is too big for his mouth, so it sticks out ever so slightly. i want to do food not bombs again, why do i not call the number? hey, shit i could check them out today after work. i live so close to school. i dig it, i love it. i like my room, i like our plants, i even like our neighbors. I AM DANCING AGAIN!!!! i love my body again. i drank alcohol again, puked but had a good time. i met girls i liked who liked me, we just didn't get teh timing right. i met an achingly beautiful friendly boy from finland. he is not my type, but i enjoy aching over him. my classes, they are.....OK. women of color is only once a week. i want to make WAIL strong and connect with people who are scared of it and me, i want to make a women's community that i lack, or find one, i want to do the things that WAIL always wants to do but is afraid to like escorting women into and out of Femcare, making the goddamn zine, creating a satisfactory safe space. i want to go to Santiago or Valparaíso and study and be humbled, i also want to take yoga here and i also want to harshly examine my privilege in this world and how it affects my dreams, behavior and interaction with other human beans.

actually i want to eat some lunch, i will bike home and see what i can fix...mmmmm...tofu salad.

peace out, because that it what i am feeling.