Anyway, GAWD i miss summer so much....she sent e ystery birthday packages. I HAVE to write her, because i love her, and school be damned, i fucking hate school. i am SO in the phase of action. i didn't end up going to DC last weekend, in fact i made a conscious choice (or non-choice) to stay at home. i wasn't feeling much support or willingness to cooperate, educate, etc. i feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY about this. how fucking lazy of me, to choose relaxation and repose and APATHY and basking in familial love rather than noise, voice, creative force, travel, adventure, HELPING PEOPLE. i am afraid to wrirte summer and tell her i didn't go. i'm very ashamed i didn't go. i don't want people to die in my name or thanks to my country's attepts at attack, distraction, encouraging apathy consumption decay violence desperation.....fucking god, it makes me want to cry so hard, knowing full well you can't screa your way out of this. i'm convinced for now that we have to be like spiders in this regie adn lay low until the food enters our webs we have woven all together. is that a lame-o metaphor? aybe, i truly feel like that. but no, i went home this past weekend to recharge and deny y desperate scholastic situation. i don't have tie for anything but writing, reading and worrying, i hate this. i was thinking last night at 4AM when i was walking to y car in the tennis court lot FAR away about how much i have been learning fro y students.....i am trying to write this horrible paper and use 10 sources with no original thoguth and i a aking all these connections and i picture them as a WEB, a CIRCLE, a SPHERE, because that's how things are teh how the world is...you can't see one thing at a time you see everything at once....and they want e to write this vertically in a little line on PAPER??!?!?!? how the FUCK a i supposed to do THAT??? i am writing about soething very three-dimensional and kinesthetic and experiential ANYWAY, why do we have to dry it all out and describe rather than do? we know what we know and we learn what we learn, grandma!!!

So yes, i want to revolutionize the entire public education system. lock up your overhead projectors. man, FUCK overhead projectors, the teachers always stand fucking right in front of that shit! akes it so you can't see SHIT!

So anyway, a blip on the radar screen of THINGS THAT ARE FUCKING AWESOME, I'M GOING TO CHILE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, YEEEEEEEAH THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT I MADE IT!!!!! WHA-HAAAAA!!!!!!!!

so i'm excited about that. i don't know what to do between deceber adn febnruary though . kee-rhist there are so many things to take care of right now. happy things, constructive ones.

i can't get seth off my mind for some reason.

for halloween i was thinking of getting a Venus of Willendorf thing going on, but there are supposed to be snow flirries so i don't think my rosy little exquisite nipples would appreciate that. So unless i think of something cooler, I am deciding between a swarthy swashbuckling girl pirate or Egon Spengler from the Ghostbusters, i figured if i had tie i could rig up a cool blaster pack thing.

if it's not too cold, brian wants to go camping for a night, maybe, if he doesn't change his and at the last second and wuss out i think if he does i' going anyway, by myself. anyway, if it's clear, a hot fire, cup a soup, sprinkled stars, waterfalls, trails, hot tea and a flask of liquor and a nice joint,,....these things i could REALLY get into after this shitty week.

you know that movie triple X? is there such a thing as "double x"? and why aren't there quadruple x'es or quintuple x'es, you'd THINK there would at least be some sextuple x'es....geez.

james is driving me bonkers! no more squatters!!!

help me think of a good halloween costume!!! please leave some good suggestions so's i can tear it up right on halloween night!!! think: kick ass costumes