what has happened?

exams are over. i got an A, two Bs and a D (THANKS Dr. Lee!!!). haven't passed that one off to the folks yet.

More Maharaji and more love inside me.

At work we are putting on a kids' public art show in january wich kicks a$$ because although it's not all about MEEE i LOVE kids' art. get 'em before they get all bitter and discouraged. it's powerful to see people (SMALL people!!!) creating things without hesitation and without having to coax or train or re-train them to access that part of themselves. It was awesome the other day, Joy totally saved a situation, G. was down on his sketches and Joy is by no means an art teacher, but she totally just affirmed and supported him, I have never seen that happen before. I feel like in college i do little to no original, self-conceived work and the work we do is created, within parameters, to be picked apart. this is obvious, but i really feel like it takes a huge toll on our creativity. Once exams were over, I felt a huge weight lifted, literally off my body, and I shoulda been exhausted (well, i was), but I went into crazy creation-mode. I made sculptures and arrangements in my house, crowns for fantastic and fine individuals, etc., and got some great ideas too. Hey, Joy said she might make me teh science teacher, which confounds me but would be really fun!

Man, boys: they are so damn confusing. There has been a resurgence in my life of boys i thought were dead to me, but then at the last minute with no opportunity to pursue or time to reflect, i got to breifly hang with like three fantastic boys i had given up on to varying degrees of (dis)attachment. One old, one semi-new, and one new. Two dreamy, one iffy. Two here, one far away. One's polyester, one's emo and one wears wrestling t-shirts. One short hair, one shaggy hair, one long stringy hair. Three pairs of intense eyes--one pair sparkling, one deep-set sweet, and one icy blue and open.

Why these clodhoppers NOW? Maybe because I am refiguring and refeeling some love in my life, just in general. I'd given up cold and was feeling nothing but cold disconnection, even from poetry, even from fun, even from activism, even from beauty--or at least, i saw it in a different way. It was diminished, sarcastic, belittled. Hearing Maharaji speak about love and I just get that FEELING that it's all OK, it's so warm and full of joy, it has spread nothing but renewed confidence, recharged creativity, power, motivation, etc. not only in pursuit but in relationships wiht other folks. i wasn't doing too well for a while there, i feel like i was deathly afraid of something and wasn't sure what it was. maharaji tha bomb, yo, imparting wisdom and whatnot. it's cool, my understanding adn knowledge keeps abandoning the critical academia i have been practicing for what, 16 years now and moving to real feelings, real understanding, real life. it's so awesome. i feel a change, that's all i can say. i want other people to feel it too, in whatever way they can, that you don't have to be miserable, it's so simple to feel good. i fear i sound brainwashed; i am not.

so, guess what i did yesterday!

out of guesses? sweet! Julie and myself attempted a short road trip to Bat Cave, NC (who wouldn't want to go??), got lost and ended up in Maggie Valley adn Cherokee instead. Most places were closed for the season, INCLUDING Santa's Land theme park--how fucked-up is that? santa's land is closed at christmastime, until march in fact. We got some chachkes (spelling?), decided if we saw one mroe figurine we would vomit, and then went to Harrah's casino for drinks. The problem? It's in a motherfucking DRY COUNTY. isn't that bizarre? The only legal gambling place in our great state (cause it's on the reservation) has no booze. no fancy umbrellas, no quick-shootin' crd dealers, no hot chicks in feather costumes. Just glazed-over fogeys pulling handles over adn over. gross.

so we go to head home, but then pass by a friend we made earlier, this friend being a hot Cherokee consturction worker in a jumpsuit and hardhat, the guy holding the "stop/slow" sign for traffic. We hoisted him into the Ghost (truck), found he shared our feelings about figurines adn airbrushed t-shirts except he had to LIVE there, so we took him to asheville with us. On the way home, Julie fucked him in the bed of the truck while I drove on I-40. I got tired, so we stopped at a Shoney's and Julie went in to get some post-coital pancakes while I had a turn with John (that was his name). We returned to Asheville, roaring in to Patton with my new "born to be wild" vanity plate screwed on and dropped john off. It was a sad goodbye. Phone numbers were exchanged. Man was he good.

Then we got beer and jalapeņo poppers before going out drinking to round off the day.