anyway, i got to teach a new class today! i had one student! we did geography and cartography, it was pretty cool. we made globes out of grapefruits and then peeled them to make flat maps, then we made topo maps of our hands. i LOVE this being able to teach from develkoped curriculum based on its own coolness, and who the fuck ever thought i would be teaching science!?!? i LOVE this shit!

i put on these "grownup" looking socks this morning, running late for teaching my NEW CLASS that i will only have for like a month adn a half before i leave this fokeen Kontree, so i thought they were paisley because they were very adult-looking and tan, with some weird red, Hunt club color scheme thing going on. But they fuckin have GODDAMN ELMO's ass on them! i fucking hate elmo! he's all "tra la la, i am so sickening, i find myriad ways to market or dumb down children's educational programming and make it into a corporate scam several times over, tra la la, i am obnoxious, la dee da, things cease to be cute when they are played out". bi-dow. word to your mother for reals yo.

i found out about the fam i will be living with--catholic, 2 parents, 2 kids, a 17 year old boy and a 14 year old girl. i am supposed to bring them presents, what the hell am i going to bring them? something cool will pop up/

sp. the real reason i write: i need to decide if i am going to DC this weekend or staying here or going to raleigh. i think i NEED to go to raleigh.....i t5hink i SHOULD go to DC, cause if i don't say nothin gainst this ol' war then WHO THE HAICK WILL? i had forgotten about teh rally........and matthew asked me if i would go. i don't think he can go if i don't go, and i REALLY want him to go but don't really want the hassles of going. and i REALLY don't have the cash...and we don't have a place to stay of a car for three as far as i know, and it'll be cold, and i don't know if it will do any good......

so i don't know if it's like, i am guilted here or what, i am searching around though, for the right thing to do. Dammit, what IS the right thing to do anyway? it is not so clear, because the question is what is the right thing for ME to do? or rather, what's in my heart? i look in that ol' dusty rattle-trap and see many things...my brain gets in the way, of course, cause it's all tricky and trips me up all the time with this galldurned logic business, and my clear little heart is all clouded by this. too much book-larnin will do this to ya, i believe.

*********time passes*********

i think, despite disappointment i might cause, i don't want to go. oh FUCK, i don't know!!! what the hell am i going to do if i ever want to ask someone to marry me?!?!? it's just that i feel so strongly about being against war and here i am and we are like about to be in the thick of one, and i am all like "hmmm, do i FEEL like drving 8 hours and finding a vehicle and making budgetary adjustments for the money, and all this other hoo-ha?" do i FEEL like living in a free nation, do i FEEL like being complacent about people with my country's flag on their jets bombing the eternal shit out of some innocent folks, cause yall don't ACT like we can just bomb whatever adn not hurt anyone who didn't deserve to be hurt.

i don't want to overthink this too much, i guess. i will make my decision and stick with it.........

then i will call matthew, then....i will .....

blarrrrgggh!!!