so i've had a family intensive day. somebody pulled out a box of oooold family photos. i looked through s bunch of them with logan, seeing pictures of my dad in 5th grade, my parents when they first married, paw paw back when he was pimpin it in the 70s. made me have some crazy flashbacks, as well as some weird imagining of what life was like. all the kids with glasses in my dad's pictures were these huge hormrim black things, and for teh first time in my life seeing those was not supposed to be ironically emo or anything.

also, the mcclures are having some hardass family drama. i don't want to go all into it, but it involves my grandpa's prostate cancer, my pregnant hypochondriac drug-addict aunt, my grandma's broken shoulder, possible financial ruin and some radioactive particles. word. a truly interesting time to be a member of my family.

anyway, my valentine's day? i was more of a loser than the people who have sense enough to stay at home and sulk. i went out with.....my parents. yes. i am officially the biggest loser in the triangle area. so yes, ok, it was because i had just gotten home, and we wanted to go out because i'm not gonna be here for much longer, but jesus christ. how many couples can there be with the man in a jacket and the woman in a red motherfucking blouse?!?!?! fuck that sheeot. i not only went out with them, i went to chili's for dinner. whooooooooo! it was so weird, there are these 2 restaurants by my house that have juuust been built int eh past month but were both built to look really old. corporate construction firms must be really confused. i mean, who do they think they're fooling? anyway. we go in and ask for a table for three. and get the weirdest, dirtiest look. couples, couples, everywhere and not a date to spare.

anyway, it was a low point in my life. "can i please have a super spinach salad with NO bacon? thank you. and a knife for my wrists? thanks, you can just bring it with the refill on my water". my dad was really sweet, though,he always is. he gave me an orchid, and my mom an orchid plant, adn my sister some bamboo. and this just makes me think, "where are all these fantastic men like my dad, cause he is at this point beyond compare". actually when he cameto mvoe me out it was funny, i got a microcosmic experience, if that doesn't sound too pretentious, of my father's character. he's just teh only person i know who ALWAYS follows through with things, sets things right, is gentle, patient, kind, generous, provider role, always does teh best he can. i see his gentle soft flaws as well, and sometimes it's hard to talk to him but he's so caring, it blows my mind. i think about the men in my life and how i love them dearly, but they are so less than caring or warm. Not that i want them to be anything other than who they really are, but sometimes i think people just don't "get it" about loving other people, and i don't know how to help them see.....or if i should help them see...gurglemffffglaaarg. here is an example of my dad. i told him he could sleep in my bed, and i would sleep on teh couch when he came. so he brings his new inflateable air matress gadget thing. one of the purposes of my father's life is to show the world that quality of life can increase dramtically with teh implementation of simple machines and a few gadgets. also, if you have a pocketknife handy at all times, then you can solve about 40% of your own problems. so he brings the thing, and we're trying to inflate it (i really enjoy humoring my dad because he just means so well and usually he is right, and it just is so fun to play along...is that weird?), and trhe battery dies. so rather than give up, my dad insists on inflating it my mouth. damn. so we do. then we go to IHOP for dinner. then we come back ,shoot teh shit and watch the X Files and go to bed.

the X files are addictive when they are all there at once, even the bad ones. thanks a lot ali, geex rool!

i never even liked those to begin with....grumble grumble.

there's mroe to talk about, but not now. i ate tuna salad today. it was so fucking good. what the hell is wrong with me???E?E?E?E

i bought 4 shorts today for like, 5 dollars, 90% off clearance. i bought a short for ninety cents today, oncluding tax. what the hell???

that's capitalism, i guess???

i want to light a fire once this wintry mix business is over adn done with. the mountains get that nice snowy stuff, we get wintry mix. i have been working for joy for january adn february, and she came by to bring me a paycheck, it was for $100. i made more delivering pizza for 4 days. i don't know what to do. i never signed anything. i knwo she doesn't have teh money to pay me anymore. i need that money, however. why and how did i get into this? i know it's not the total amount and she'll pay me more eventually, but that's not going to be for a LOOONG time. and my goddamn government paycheck won't come until march or so.....motherFUCKer.

the last day teaching was pretty good. we played the compass course game. we ate PBandJs and played soccer. i love my kids, they love me less, but i hope got a lot out of our time, they sure were pains in the ass. neat ones though.

there's more but i can't think of it. oh, i got what i hope is a cool idea for arranging the stage adn entrace for the vagina monologues..,.i can't wait i'm so excited. it's going to be such fuckin fun. i feel really really good about them...plus i am inspired to make a cool costume after seing all that kinky shit in "chicago" last night....

ok, time for something else. i gots a lot to do.

i had a pretty good heart to heart with logan this evening, too. it made me feel good, because we have had such a danged hard time communicating of late.

ok i'm out. i love my brother, too. we went and bought air and oil filters together, and swapped dad drug-talk stories and hallucinigen adventures from our checkered pasts. tomorrow we gonna install the parts, and i will go see his dorm room at state. boo ya.