a new life, changes, expect them to be at a loss unexpected ....at first i was thrilled wiht the changes and hte possibilities and the opportunities and what kind of freedom the changes brought although i didn't know why. it was time to grow up make those decisions be those choices and that change, and now i think it's catching up with me. how can one alternate between ultimate desperationa dn superstrength? iron will and soft moments, bullet and slug tossing around. getting behind and clawing back up?
it's fucking exhausting. i missed my appt in teh funk adn must wait another 3 weeks to speak to someone. i think i might have to sabotage or break down and talk to someone i know. hwo's here really and who do i choose to refuse. party night in the car wanting so desperately not to be alone and yet pushing them away once they got there. i dread getting to the confrontation to talk about it. because it will come.
anna's in the next room fumbling the old people around. can i really say i'm doing the best i can? to what point does that excuse cut it?
good lord why am i writing this when i have to finish all this other shit.
roots tour, exmas, what will the house look like? how much time can one spend in a minivan with relatives? do something GOOD for people........
unplug the christmas macine
la gringa in january, vagina monologues in feb. meetg next week
lord lord lord lord lordisa
