i'm supposed to be making a power point presentation right now, or posting stuff for my class. Obviously I'm not; I just can't get into the rhythm. I had nightmares all night, was it too much Buffy or something I ate or something I said or did? Is it the overly enormous guilt of what happened on Friday even though I know I shouldn't feel this way, or dealing with what's going on with Egg?
Basically Egg's with someone he cares about but hasn't been with for very long. Or, it seems like it hasn't been that long but in reality it has been a while. This person has said I love you, and they want to be together for a long time, forever maybe. And then out of the blue, Egg's person is positive. So Egg is probably positive too, he went in to get tested and is waiting for the results. He hadn't called in two weeks which is so unlike him, usually he's blowing up the telefono. And then he spills it, post-fajita, in his living room, and I had to swear not to tell anyone. He told me and Monster together, thank God so we'd have someone to talk with about it. I could only stare like stone and fake supportiveish words, all of a sudden to be in a world ruled by terms of "Safe" and "dangerous, infected, unsafe" and i was trying not to cry while Monster asked practical questions and Egg rattled off options and details for treatment, he could die of old age and not the virus, he'll get excellent care from the VA, etc. He has always had a connection to religion and a kind of macro-view large-scale ideas for how the world works that I've always admired and been open to listening to. He's wise in his own way, but that night I was maybe in too much shock to dig into it with him. So I sat there and stared at him all weirdly instead, trying not to cry. he thinks this is a sign that he and his person are meant to be together, that they're going through it together for a reason, then he pulled that line "god doesn't give us each what we can't handle" and he's choosing to prepare himself by acting as though he really is infected when maybe he's not.
anyway, this is definitely one for the vagueness and ambiguity olympics with bonus points for masking names to protect those involved.
BOOM!
KABOOM!
it'll make sense later.
