am i in the right profession? is everything so hard because life is hard, or because i'm not good at it, or because i'm lazy and i expect everything to fall into place without any effort? i know there are parts of my personality that make everything that should be simple more comlicated, and other deep deep parts that always try to, and usually succeed in, sabotaging my successes. it's like, i can succeed in one area, but only because it's not something i really want. what am i so afraid of? changing this not so great life? how can i break these fucking patterns and kick it into gear?
